Friday, October 02, 2009

happiness has a violent roar.

suddenly swept by the urge to blog, a need to reconnect with the rest of humanity. it's ironic that i'd choose to use the most impersonal platform to do that, but perhaps the lack of knowledge of whom exactly i'm speaking to puts me at more ease to express myself freely.

can't quite put a finger on what i'm feeling right now, it's a mish mash of fatigue, wistfulness, anxiety, longing...? for what, i don't know. it just feels like there are so many thoughts racing through my mind right now i can't catch any and make sense out of them. i guess confusion may be a good word to use to describe it. but confusion's good, right? after you get out of it, you'll be clearheaded, or so they say.

people that i meet often ask me, 'do you miss home much?' and the truth is, no, not that much. the people, yes. even then, the number of them that i really do miss, the ones that make me feel a tug in my heart when i think of them, i could count with one hand. one of the self discoveries made while being over here is that i'm pretty much okay being alone, no creeping sense of loneliness or anything. that discovery actually made me feel a little empowered--that i probably wouldn't be in a bad shape if i were to just run off somewhere and become a totally new person, no baggage or ties with anyone.

a selfish thought, i know.

Posted by STINKY @ 4:05 AM